I’m laying here in bed roasting, because it is hot as balls in my room, thinking. I know that might come as a shock to you, me? thinking? really? That doesn’t happen often, but to tell you the truth it does. I think a lot, and that is what this post is about. I come off to most people as a fat, jolly, never take anything seriously, funny guy. At least that is how I see myself through other people’s eyes. I dumb myself down and play it off like I don’t care about anything but how much I can drink and I just slack off because that’s what I think people want. People like me that way and all I want to be is liked. I don’t try very hard, and I don’t really do a whole heck of a lot because it’s not expected of me. But the truth is I’m actually a pretty smart guy. I take a lot of things seriously, some of which, probably too seriously. I like learning new things and I’m a pretty hard worker. Most of you are probably rolling your eyes thinking this is a big line of crap, but I promise you it isn’t. There are hopefully a select few of you reading this and agreeing with everything I say. I may not be the most motivated or the best at any one thing, but I give everything I do my all.
I dunno if I’ll ever reach my full potential for anything, and I may never realize actually how good at things I really could be because I’m never going to give myself the chance. I very well might be afraid to do these things just because I don’t want anyone to see me differently. I dunno why that has anything to do with anything, but I’m afraid that if I “grow up” or figure things out I won’t be as fun, or as well liked, and that’s what scares me off. I really don’t know exactly what I’m getting at, but I promise you, if that light switch does flip , or that light bulb goes off in my head things could be a lot different. It really could be scary how much I could accomplish. Part of me does want it to happen, part of me wants to shock everyone, maybe even give a middle fingered salute to everyone that expected nothing from me all these years. I kind of compare myself to a baseball prospect. I got all of the tools and the potential is there, I just have to fulfill that potential, but like any baseball fan knows by now, not many of those prospects pan out the way everyone hopes. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be that one.
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