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What a mess.

Have you ever felt like you just want to disappear? That is kind of how I feel these days. Some of it might have to do with me slipping back into my old ways of drinking, a  lot, but it also has to do with what is going on around me. It seems like every day something is going on between my friends. Something stupid and petty. Before long it turns into someone not wanting to talk to that person and not hanging out with them and its a whole big fiasco that affects everyone. I’m really getting tired of having to walk on eggshells around people, and having to ask myself if this person can hang out with that person. It’s tiring and aggrevating. I shouldn’t have to deal with that sort of thing. I just want to leave, get away from everything and start again, leaving no trace of myself behind.

I’m kind of at the point where I’m so easily upset by any one thing that I don’t want to be bothered by anything or anyone. I really don’t even want to talk to anyone, with the exception of maybe one person. I wish there was a way to make it alright, but at least up until now I haven’t found that way. I don’t know what else to do at this point except take it, and hope one day I don’t explode. That’s all I really got right now.

I guess what I’m getting at is I think I’m just tired. I’m tired of dealing with stuff I shouldn’t have to. I’m tired of putting up with shit I shouldn’t have to. Tired of being unhappy. I’m tired of everything. I want things to go back to the way it was. Everyone got along and had a ton of fun. It seems like it’s been a very long time since I could say I had fun with all of my friends and I miss that. Maybe I’m just being selfish, I don’t know. It’s never going to go back to the way it was I know, but I don’t see it getting any better anytime soon. I wish it was easier to just detach myself from everything and start getting away. I know that won’t ever happen either. I’m not the kind of guy that could just up and move away, and be alright. I’m no good at meeting new people, I’d fail miserably.

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